XV | What's wrong?

Dear blog,

I should be getting ready to snuggle into my warm bed but here I am, out of nowhere haha.

I feel like I should be blaming myself and wallowing in self-pity but then why should I? Expectations causes disappointments, and I have known that for a long time. What I'm glad about is the fact that this knowledge has gave me a certain level of mental preparation for disappointment in people.

"We're adults and busy. No reason to be in constant contact with you to prove my friendship to you. Just know when/if you need me/ I'm here."

A quote that I've seen on Facebook for a few times, that I used to strongly believe in this. But in recent months, I've learnt to differentiate. There's a pretty fine line between really busy and zero effort.

I've finally learnt to see that. For many months and years, I've been constantly pushed away with the reason of being busy. Oh don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that being busy was an excuse. I understand that we're all busy to a certain extend, but how busy can one get? Is it that difficult to plan in advance, to free up a day or a few hours to meet up with a long-term friend?

Am I acting like a jealous friend? You tell me.

Out of 10 times, 9.5 times I'm the one asking to meet-up and so far I have been rejected a 100%.

Being a person full of words and no action isn't worth my time to continue putting in effort either. I'm never doing it again. You wanna hit me up? Sure, but will I initiate? Sorry not anymore.

Don't take it to heart, because if it took so long to feel bad then I guess I'm not important enough so yea I'm okay with that.